Ummmm…Hmmmm

We live in a very strange world. Admit it, you agree with me. Yesterday while I was in the grocery store, I saw a man wearing a nice dress shirt, neatly tucked in his skirt. Yes, you read it correctly; skirt. I stared for a moment….you would have too! Then I thought, well maybe it’s a new style of a kilt, maybe he is Scottish and honoring his Motherland. That thought was squashed when I caught a glimpse of his black Sunday-best heels…..okkkkk.

This morning, I stopped at Burger King for a cup of coffee, only to have a young woman with more facial piercings than she had face, taking my order. Her lip had this bright shiny metal thing that resembled a hoop earring. Her nose, well honestly, I’m not sure what it was, or what it’s called. It looked like a staple with both points sticking outward. Her eyebrows, well, hmmm. I can’t even find the words to describe either of them. Let’s just call it a weird interaction…….

I arrive at work and open my email, and this was the first thing in my inbox.

Hello,

I am a spiritualist originated from Cote d’ivoire. I have sent this same message to you but it seems you did not receive it.

I write to inform you to be careful. A man and a lady came to me and told me to prepare voodoo that will harm you and all your family but I couldn’t do it due to your good heart.

The reasons they gave me to harm you is stupid and baseless and I warned them not to come to me for such thing again.

You should seek for protection from any spiritualist you know because right now I am 100% sure that they are making arrangement with another spiritualist to get voodoo to harm you.

I do not wish to get involve on this because of my engagements but in the event you need advice do contact a very powerful spiritualist or you can contact me through my private email xxxx@gmail.com so that I can introduce you to a good spiritualist in your country.
Hariako
The Great of Ogwuta Kingdom

Great, a voodoo spell. Now what? Obviously this fellow thinks I need a “”spiritualist”. I didn’t even know what that profession does. Matter of fact, I don’t even know where the Great of Ogwuta Kingdom is, or if it’s the fellow’s name, title, address or country!

Let me get this straight. I don’t have 55 piercings covering my face. I have zero! My hair is only one color. I have a job. I wear clothes that are suitable for my gender. I try to live in peace and harmony with others……yet, I am the odd person out and need a spiritualist because somebody wants to cast a spell on me? Ummmmmmmmmm. Ok.

Oh boy, things CAN get worse. Maybe I do have a curse……read this email that was next in my inbox.


Attention:

I am Barrister Chukwu Ikenga, by name and I am writing you this email
message regarding your unpaid Fund, My Dear; I wish to inform you that
the people you are dealing with are not the real people that is in
position to release your Fund to you that is the reason why it’s
impossible for you to received your fund, why can’t you deal with the
bank appointed to handle the Transfer of your Fund instead of sending
money to people that will not help you get your fund.

If only you will response back to me upon receipt of this email
notification and follow my instruction, I will personally direct you to
the appointed paying Bank were you will be paid instead of wasting your
hard earn money and time on these hoodlums.

As it may interest you to know all this money you have been sending
would have completed your payment transmission before now if you heard
contact the appointed paying Bank. Email me back only on this email{
xxxxx3@qq.com } for more information on how you will received
your UN-paid Fund from the appointed paying Bank.

I shall be expecting to read from you only if you needed my assistance
on this matter.

Regards,
Barr. Chukwug

——-
So that’s why I haven’t received the 40 billion dollar inheritance from my relative that I didn’t know that I had in some country I never heard of…..I have been dealing with people that aren’t real!!! This fellow thinks I am dealing with hoodlums! Mystery solved! Wow.

Just when I thought it was safe to open the next email that was flagged, “URGENT”, I again, realized that maybe this whole voodoo spell thing is legit.
—–
Dear Jessi,
Your willy is the main source of relaxation! So you should take care of it.
Check out our HOT SUMMER OFFERS and save HUGE on the best medications . Order Viagra here! Thanks, Tammy

—-

My what? Okkkkkkkkkkkk……ummmmm.

You know, I can sit and talk with dementia patients all day long, regardless of their cognitive skills. For the most part, I follow their stories, understand what they are talking about and can relate to them…..but oddly enough, it is obvious that I can not understand the “outside world.” Maybe it is the vodoo spell….maybe its the fact I am not taking care of my “willy”, or maybe it’s because I have corresponded with “hoodlums” …or maybe, just maybe I do indeed need a spiritualist from the Kingdom of Bamfamskamascooo…………Hmmm.

The first thing I am going to do when I get the 40 billion that is due me, I am going to fly over there to Bamsasakammania and take care of the curse…..Im going to look it up on the globe now and start planning the trip!

globe

HMMMMMMMMMMM.

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4 thoughts on “Ummmm…Hmmmm

  1. You really made me chuckle with this post:-) Except the sad part is, this is the reality of the world we live in. If it weren’t for The Lord, I don’t know where I would find hope and true inner peace.

    Like

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