The Referee

We all have family dynamics of some type….whether it be the “black sheep” issue, a sibling dispute that lingers into adulthood, or plain ole family fueds….whatever the situation may be, we all have a story.  The problem comes about when these “dynamics” affect the care of an aged parent . I have such  situation going on in the facility, and I am not sure what is best for the resident.

My role as the Administrator is to oversee the care of the loved one…not referee boxing matches between siblings. It is not my place to intervene in shouting matches or to offer advice to each party…..it is my duty to insure the resident is safe, cared for and needs are met. The behavior of these adult children, however, is making my job very, very difficult.

Yesterday, one adult child walked in and presented me with a letter from the other sibling, stating that she was not to come to the facility, visit her mother or have any contact with their mother. The daughter who received this letter, stood in my office and explained in great detail how the letter was nothing but a “wad of paper” and how  no one could stop her from visiting the facility, period. Since I myself, nor the facility has not been “served” with such notification, there really is no legal basis for me to act upon either way.  The letter fired this lady UP. She ranted and raved about her sister for 30 minutes. I sat there, as if I were a deer caught in headlights, saying nothing. She left my office in a fury, stating she would “fix her”…..

Today, the resident who is affected by all of this mania, came to my office, explaining to me that another daughter called her, explaining how she has “frozen all bank accounts”…..to protect her. The resident was beside herself, unsure as to what to do about any and all of this. ” Can you do something?”, she asked.  How do I answer that?  Realistically, no, I can not do anything.  I have tried to express my thoughts on the care of their mother, to each of them; asking them to work together for their mother’s own good.  You can see effective that conversation was just by reading this……….null and of no effect.

I encourage everyone who has not done so in life, to choose ONE VOICE, one person to be in charge of affairs and act on your behalf should you ever become unable to make your own choices. One. Uno. Single, not plural. One person. Choose that person wisely, expressing your wants, needs and pre-determined choices to them and by putting them in writing……. Get a copy of the document ” Five Wishes”, if you are not comfortable drawing up legal documents declaring Power of Attorney…. Five Wishes is a legal document, valid in 42 states and the District of Columbia…… get a copy, fill it out, put it in a safe place…and PLEASE use it when and IF the need arises…….You can visit this website….https://www.agingwithdignity.org/forms/5wishes.pdf .and see what I am referring to….

No family is perfect but my goodness……..you would think families could come together when making important decisions for their loved one…….you would just think so anyway….. sighs.Image 

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2 thoughts on “The Referee

  1. I understand that sigh
    We can do our best and improve a bit
    We cannot fix broken people – they do most of the work
    Usually they don’t want that, can’t, don’t know how – etc.

    Blessings
    ~ Eric

    Like

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